Breastfeeding in Public: Is It Okay to Feel Uncomfortable?

Mandi Vakili has been clipped across social media talking about feeling awkward when seeing a mother breastfeeding in public.

And it has opened up quite the conversation.

But are her feelings wrong?

For me, I don't necessarily think they are.

I think it is okay to feel awkward seeing somebody breastfeed. There could be many different reasons why somebody feels uncomfortable.

Breasts are heavily sexualised within our society and the media. We grow up with this idea that breasts are something private, something we should cover up, and then suddenly we become mothers and might need to get one out in the middle of a café because our baby has decided they are hungry.

There is almost a strange juxtaposition between the two.

We don't necessarily choose our immediate feelings. You might feel awkward. You might not know where to look. You might simply not be used to seeing somebody breastfeed.

But what you do with that feeling is different.

For me, your discomfort belongs to you.

It isn't the mother's responsibility to make you feel more comfortable when she is simply feeding her baby.

Breastfeeding in public and the fear of being judged

What we don't know when we see a mum feeding her baby is everything that happened before that moment.

Maybe breastfeeding came easily to her.

Maybe she has spent weeks struggling with feeding.

Maybe she has been worrying about her baby's latch or her milk supply.

Maybe she has cried through feeds.

Maybe she has wondered whether she is doing any of it right.

Maybe this is the first time she has finally felt confident enough to breastfeed outside her home.

One small comment, look or judgement could have a much bigger impact than the person making it ever realises.

It could affect how confident that mum feels about feeding in public again or even how she feels about her whole breastfeeding journey.

If a mother is doing no harm and simply feeding her baby, I don't believe she should have to change what she is doing to make somebody else feel more comfortable.

Can you breastfeed in public in the UK?

Yes.

In Great Britain, the Equality Act 2010 protects breastfeeding mothers from discrimination.

The Equality Act 2010 protects women from being treated unfavourably because they are breastfeeding when using services and public places.

The NHS guidance on breastfeeding in public explains that you are legally allowed to breastfeed in places such as cafés, shops, libraries and on public transport.

A breastfeeding mother should not be asked to leave because she is breastfeeding.

She does not have to go and feed her baby in a toilet.

She does not have to cover herself because somebody else would prefer her to.

And she should not have to hide at the back of a room.

If a mum personally feels more comfortable covering herself or finding somewhere quieter, of course she can.

That is her choice.

And for me, that word is really important.

Choice.

My first experience of breastfeeding in public

With my first daughter, I had a really positive breastfeeding journey.

I loved breastfeeding her.

But at the beginning, I definitely felt that awkwardness about feeding in public.

I worried that somebody would make a comment.

I worried somebody might ask me to move.

The first time I went to a restaurant with her, I actually asked the waiter if he could sit me as far away from everybody else as possible because I knew I might need to breastfeed.

Luckily, there was a table of breastfeeding mothers in the restaurant and he sat me next to them to help put me at ease.

As it turned out, one of those mothers happened to be a friend of mine.

When we talked about it afterwards, she reminded me of something that really stuck with me.

Other people's thoughts were their thoughts.

They weren't mine.

I shouldn't have to change my behaviour to make somebody else feel more comfortable when I wasn't doing anything wrong.

I was feeding my baby.

And I think that is something we need to remember when we're talking about discomfort around breastfeeding in public.

It's okay to acknowledge your own feelings.

It isn't okay to make those feelings somebody else's burden.

This isn't breast versus bottle

There is another part of this conversation that I think is really important.

I don't want this to become another breast versus bottle debate.

It's a conversation I'm not willing to take part in.

Because breastfeeding mums get judged.

Bottle feeding mums get judged too.

Feeding babies seems to be one of those areas of motherhood where everybody has an opinion about what somebody else should be doing.

And people can become incredibly passionate about it.

But somewhere in the middle of all those opinions is an actual mum who might already be trying her absolute hardest to feed her baby in the way that works best for both of them.

There can be so many reasons why somebody breastfeeds, expresses, combination feeds or formula feeds.

And when we see another mum feeding her baby, we usually know absolutely nothing about the journey that got her there.

So if there is no danger and no immediate need to intervene, do we really need to tell her that we think her decision is wrong?

Or could we simply say:

I've got your back.

Breastfeeding?

I've got your back.

Bottle feeding?

I've got your back.

Combination feeding?

I've got your back.

Still trying to work out what on earth you're doing?

I've definitely got your back.

What about feeding support for new mums?

For me, this is actually the bigger conversation.

Every new mother should have access to proper feeding support in those first days, regardless of how she chooses or needs to feed her baby.

Because feeding a newborn can be hard.

With breastfeeding, you're suddenly trying to understand latch, positioning, milk supply and whether your baby is actually getting enough milk.

Bottle feeding can come with its own questions and difficulties.

And you're trying to work all of this out while recovering from pregnancy and birth, dealing with hormones and probably surviving on very little sleep.

The NHS breastfeeding help and support guidance says breastfeeding support can be available through midwives, health visitors, peer supporters, local groups and helplines.

The National Breastfeeding Helpline is also available 24 hours a day on 0300 100 0212.

But knowing that support exists and actually being able to access the right support when you need it can be two very different things.

I needed breastfeeding support too

I was incredibly lucky with my first daughter because my mum had completed breastfeeding training as part of her nursing.

She became my feeding support during those early days.

I also needed additional breastfeeding support and I had to pay for it.

Not everybody has somebody in their family who happens to know what they're doing.

And not everybody can afford to pay privately when they need more help.

Support shouldn't come with the privilege of being able to afford it.

And this is something I talked about in the previous Mumma Chats too.

After having my first daughter, I remember struggling to feed her in hospital.

I needed somebody to sit with me and actually show me what to do.

I didn't need somebody to make me feel as though I had already failed before I'd even really started.

That little bit of nurture can make such a difference.

Because none of us automatically know what we're doing just because we've become a mum.

We have to learn too.

Feeding support without judgement

For me, this is the conversation worth having.

Not another argument about breast versus bottle.

Not whether a breastfeeding mother should cover herself to make somebody else comfortable.

Not whether somebody else's feeding decision is the decision you would have made.

I want us to be asking:

How do we make sure every mum is properly supported to feed her baby?

And that means supporting the mother too.

Feeding struggles can have a huge impact on how a new mum feels about herself.

When feeding isn't going the way you expected, it can very quickly start to feel like you're failing at something everybody told you would come naturally.

Sometimes what a mum needs isn't another opinion.

She needs somebody next to her saying:

You're doing okay. Let's work this out together.

That is the support I want every mum to have.

Whether she's breastfeeding.

Whether she's bottle feeding.

Whether she's doing a bit of both.

Whether feeding has gone exactly as she'd hoped or nothing like she'd planned.

And whether or not she can afford to pay for help.

Because feeding shouldn't become another part of motherhood where mums are made to feel judged.

Every Mumma Matters.

I talk more about breastfeeding in public, feeding without judgement and my own feeding experiences in this week's Mumma Chats.

Listen to Mumma Chats Episode 2: Raising Girls, Pregnancy Loss Leave & Breastfeeding in Public

And I'd love to hear about your experience too.

Did you ever feel nervous about feeding your baby in public?

Did anybody make you feel particularly supported or judged?

And whatever your feeding journey looked like, did you actually get the support you needed?