The Grief No One Talks About: Accepting Life with Anxiety as a Mum
The Grief of Accepting My Anxiety
There’s something I’ve never really said out loud before , and even now, saying it feels a bit wrong.
I grieved the old version of me when I realised I had anxiety.
Not just a few sad days. Not just feeling overwhelmed. Grief. Real, deep, heavy grief.
And I’ve felt guilty for even calling it that. Because grief feels like a word we should only use for losing someone we love. But what happens when the person you’ve lost... is you?
The version of me I had to say goodbye to
Before anxiety fully took hold, there was a version of me who could be spontaneous. Who didn’t overthink every journey or worry about panic attacks before going on a simple day out. She could get through the day without fear sitting in the background like an unwanted passenger.
I didn’t even realise I was saying goodbye to her at first. I was too busy pushing through, too busy being a mum. Too busy trying to feel “normal” again.
But when the fog of burnout finally lifted a little, I saw it clearly... she was gone. And she wasn’t coming back. That carefree version of me had been replaced by someone who had to plan everything, pace herself, avoid certain triggers, and who woke up each day not knowing whether anxiety would be loud or quiet.
It took me a long time to stop trying to get rid of it
For so long, I chased the idea of getting “back to normal”. I just wanted to go back to who I used to be. To fix it. To cure it. I spent a lot of energy fighting it , which only made it worse.
Eventually, I had to stop fighting. Not in a giving-up way, but in an “I deserve peace” kind of way. That’s when I realised I needed to find acceptance, not a cure.
Now, I understand my anxiety more. I know how to ask for help. I know my signs and I have my coping tools. But that grief? It still catches me off guard sometimes. On those hard days when I really miss her.
You’re not weird for feeling this way
If this sounds familiar, if you’ve ever thought “I wish I could just go back to how I used to be”, I see you. You’re not alone. And you’re not strange or broken for feeling that loss.
We don’t talk about it enough, this kind of invisible grief. Especially as mums. Because we’re supposed to get on with it. Smile through it. Keep showing up. But sometimes, the biggest battles are the ones inside our own heads.
Let’s keep having the honest conversations
Recording this podcast episode felt a little scary, but also strangely safe. Because I know someone, somewhere, might hear it and think, “Oh... it’s not just me.”
So, if you're in that space, grieving a version of you that anxiety or motherhood or illness has taken, just know you're not alone. And you’re allowed to feel all of it.
You’re still here. You’re still you. Just a new version. And she’s worthy of grace, support, and love too.
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If you haven’t yet, give the episode a listen. And if it resonates, share it with another mum who might need to hear it too. Let’s keep talking.
